When Technology Fails

Attempting to drink my virtual latte. An obvious FAIL.

My Dearest Love itouch,

We've been through so much together. You've taught me how to play the Keyboard, your Words with Friends application has made for countless bonding hours. Not to mention, it's taken my vocabulary level to a whole new playing field, you morph your little robot brain into a Remote Control upon request, you photograph and film the highlights of my day (so that I can instantly Twitter them, which you also help me with). You know me so well that you can even predict the song best suited for my every mood (and I have a lot of moods). BUT, there are still a few things (and I think others may agree with me) that make me feel like your powers are ultimately limited. Envision 'if you will'---

1. A Scratch & Sniff feature - how can I purchase perfume via amazon if I don't even know what is smells like?
   
   
2. How about a 'real time' Dream Reader? - the whole Dream Journal app is simple and cute for documenting and storing what you remember having dreamed about, but who remembers an entire dream? If you can read my music mood, why not read my mind? Slacker.
   
   
3. 360-Degree Holographic Projection - facetime is missing one major attribute. When I'm talking to my friends and family I want to really feel like they're in the room with me.
   
   
4. Face Scanning Profiler - I'm pretty sure the CIA has it, why can't I? Next time I hire a babysitter it would be convenient to slyly (while pretending I'm playing Angry Birds) snap a picture and BAM...in zooms a mini profile that highlights anything of security importance (ya know, like whether or not I'm potentially hiring a previously convicted child porn addict) and maybe supply a few of their latest facebook status updates.
   
   
5. Lastly, I'd really like to see a 'What would Will Ferrell say?' app - First, because it would make everyday a laugh fest. Second, we all have those 'not so funny' people in our lives. Who better to save their humour deficit than the comedy god himself.

 

It's important to me that you understand how committed I am to the growth of our relationship. We both deserve a healthy balance of give and take. I always buy the most fashionable jackets to dress you up and keep you both safe and warm. I feed you (electrically speaking) and clean you daily. I take you on all of my adventures, both big and small. In return, perhaps you could amuse me with something mind bottling after you complete your 708th update, which is to take place this weekend. Yes, yes I know after your last update you thought that you were really throwing me a wild card when you added a black dog to the corner of my Words with Friends game icon. Sure, it was cute...but at this juncture in our relationship it's time you start bringing a little more heat to the table.

 

Syncfully Yours,
Me